Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What a dumb baby whore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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