Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
