so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
