Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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