Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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