I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
