Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
