there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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