I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
