We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
