I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
