yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
