Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
