we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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