Nicole vs. Life
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
