Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
