lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
