There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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