I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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