OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
