you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
