my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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