Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
