Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
