I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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