I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
