she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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