she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
