no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
