At least make sure they are 18
Why
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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