I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
