btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
