some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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