I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
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