i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
