you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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