dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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