im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
