this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
