yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
