i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
