This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
