Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
