I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
