Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
