I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
