I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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