Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
