How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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