I can text with my tongue
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
