Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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