I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
